| Previous Stories of the Month |
6/4/01 Slut for a Neighbor by Joe Black
On 6/3/01 I was at his neighbors house watching the to 5th grades fighting in their back yard.When all of a sudden in the window is one of the kids mom had her eyes closed and was butt naked.Then when she opened her eyes and yelled sssssshhhhhiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt and then she docked down and started yelling fuck,shit,crap,etc.So I took off to my house.Everyday that Lady would yell at her boyfriend(Rick) over the stupidest stuff.It turns out she's a bitch.She has 3 kids,but I just recently found out that she has lots more but there all in foster homes.The kids that live with her are Bobby,Mathew,and the baby(don't know his name)When she was pregant with Mathew she told Rick that Mathew was his kid,but Mathew's father is Ricks bestfriend(Jerry,Jerry,Jerry)If you are a girl don't be a bitch like this.
6/29/01 The Day At Gaby's by Big B
Me(Big B), Matt, Clayton, Gaby, and Eric were all going to Gaby's house. Gaby's house is a fucking mansion. So, knowing my friend Gaby he decides to have a drinking contest. Well when we were all done Gaby, the poor guy, keeps on going. Somehow Gaby convinces Eric to keep on drinking. Gaby and Eric were drinking water bottles of vodka and they were drunk out there fucking minds. Luckily, Clayton, like the good friend he is, beats the shit out of Matt and gets him thinking straight so he could help me and Clay handle those drunken bastards. Clay then throws Matt in the shower and gets him sober. The waginer (Eric) and Gaby are barfing all over da place. We leave Eric on the bed, because no one cares about him, and take Gaby into the shower. I swear, he was acting like a little baby. He was splashing around in the shower and he thought the Grinch was coming after him. Later, we lay the two fuckers down next to each other. Eric was barfing on the floor. Gaby was laying on his back , throwing up all over himself while me and Clay were slapping him in the face. They told his parents that they were sick and his dad got mad at us 'cause we took a walk without telling anybody. From that day on we all made a pact to stay sober for the rest of the summer. We broke that promise in about a week. But that's another story... stupid shits.
7/25/01 The Garage by Big B
One day, me and my friends Jake and Matt were going to some chicks house to get some pussy. On the way we stopped at a friends house to see if she was home. She was in Hawaii and we didnt know. Matt noticed that the garage was slightly opened. So dumbass Matt tries to sneak under and scare her. When he went under someone yelled, "What the fuck are you doing." The terrible bellow of the beastly woman scared the shit out of me and Jake. We ran leaving Matt unattended. The lady shut the garage door. Being crushed to death Matt begged for his life. Somehow he slipped through the grasp of the door and ran for his life. It was a day we would never forget. Bummer, we never did get any pussy.
11/23/01 Chinese People by Roxygurl
My friend Denise and I were on vacation in Laughlin Nevada and we were staying in this huge hotel and there was a Crispy Cream Donut shop in the hotel and one morning me and Denise went walking and discovered all kinds of Chinese tourist well they weren't just nice people minding there business...they were really rude and if you know me and Denise well enough you should know that we raise hell wherever we go. so if someone's gunna be rude to us we will be just as rude right back and well that's just what we did. anyway later on that day we were walking in the hall and saw some Chinese girls, they were just looking and us and Denise said "what are you looking at?" they looked at each other and started talking about us in Chinese well i didn't like that so i looked at them and said..."are you talking about us cause if u are why cant u say it in English?" then we walked off. well that night we were walking downstairs and in the donut shop there are tables and my brother and his 4 friends were just sitting there, me and Denise walked by them and they were like hey guys come here...so we went over and asked what they were doing they said that they were just chillin and some chicks had just asked them to take a picture with them...well and they told them they would so they did. guess who the chicks were?!?! they were the Chinese girls that were dogging Denise and i. I was like OmG u guys took pictures with them and the 4 guys were all "yah why not they wanted to take pictures of us cause we are so hot" i was like haha u guys r funny. Well after my brother and them left the chicks came up to us cause they got mad we were talking to there men...well that's what they said LoL. i was like "no no you have it all wrong that is my brother and he's not ur man!!!!" she got mad and started yelling at them in Chinese so i looked her strait in the eye and was all "and chong yong wang bong back to you" and Denise was all "wang chang ching chong" and we just walked off and started cracking up...The next they were walking and we were all "Me take picture with you guys" and they were all "NO" and so we started arguing with them and every time we saw them we would walk by them and start talking Chinese and they would get so mad at us that they would stand there and yell back. But we had no idea what they were saying...
12/21/01 Dad's Drinkin Again by Big B
Back in 1995, the SF 49ers went to the superbowl. When I was rich my dad used to throw mean superbowl parties. Well I was about seven years old and he had one of those parties. He had about 21 beers (good god) and was feeling kinda woozy. Due to my youthful immaturity, I suddenly passed gas in front of everybody. Feeling embarrised and ashamed of me, my dad drags me in the bathroom and tells me to take a shit. After begging him and being meanfully rejected i sit there in silence. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. About 3 hours later my mom gets home. Dad is passed out on the recliner, everyone is gone, and I am still on the crapper. I tried to ask my mom if I could get off but she said that my dad gave me the punishment so when he says I can get off, I could. Another hour went by when finally my dad slipped out of his sweaty, drooling, alcohol infested temporary coma and finally let me get of the pot.
12/29/01 Fly Open by Marissa (Bonus Story)
k well jacob just took us to jack in the box and so we get there and we go in and the guy is like helpin veronica and he like didnt even like acknowledge me or anything and her was like totally checking her out and i look at veronica and her zipper was down! lol! omg it was soooooo funni!
1/8/01 The Car Ride by Roxygurl
My family and 4 other familys went to the snow for new years and i went home with my friend that lives in San Jose and we were on the freeway and we got really bored then all of a sudden really hyper. So we were just screwing around and singing and we were rolling down the wondows because her mom told her dad to roll down the window so he would get a "air blast" (and we had no clue what the hell she was talking about) so we were just being normal smart asses and we rolled down the windows and we started yelling "OMG i just got a air blast" and her mom just started laughing. Well when we rolled down the window my friend sarah decided to stick her head out the window and look at the cars behind us. So she kept doing that and matt (her brother) and I would just sit there and look at her because she was making a fool out of her self. Well as cars past a car came up with thease teenage girls in it and they were dogging Sarah and if u know sarah she doesnt take crap from anyone. but this time she didnt seem to even care so as we would pass the car with the teenagers in it sarah would stick her head out the window and stick out her toung. Well after about 5 times of doing that the girl in the passenger seat got really pissed and she flipped sarah off and sarah just looked at her and started laughing her ass off. I think that pissed the girl off even more.
2/5/02 Day at Six Flags by Joe Black
On 2/2/02 me, Big B, Bob, and a friend of mine Brandon Roberts went to Six Flags. We would have gone on Febuary 1st but the parkl wasn't open that day. We had been on Viper, Superman, Gold Rush, Riddler, and Batman. All this happened around 11 am, when we got on the Bumper cars I saw the hottest girl in 6 flags. So knowing me I started stairing at her you know checkin her out. I called her over but she and her 3 friends kept walkin. So at noon we were eatin and I saw them again. And I said I'm going to meet them. After following them on Colossuss I finally started talkin to them. They told us that they were here for Amanda's(The hot chick) Birthday. I started talkin to Amanda and she siad she had just turned 16. I was really excited cause I had turned 16 on the 1st. So the rest of the day we all hung out. Her friends were Judith, Ashley, and Mitchelle(Code named "THE BEAST" for unknown reasons) and Brandon and Asheley were hangin out alot. Big B started to get mad cause he wanted a boys night out kinda thing but knowin me, I can't stay away from women. Amanda wasn't havin fun and her and Judith would walk like 20 feets behind everyone else. I tried to be nice and talk to her but she was really quite. When it was time for all them to go Amanda and Judith went into the arcade while the others keep walkin Big B and I went with Amanda cause you know she was hot. After Amanda spent her last token I said happy birthday and gave her a hung and a kiss on the cheek. After all that Brandon asked if I liked Mitchelle. As a man that was thought to take wut you can get i said sure why not. Mitchelle and Ashley went on Goliath with us and after Goliath me and Mitchelle madeout. Big B who was sick and tired of my women weakness said time to go. While we were walkin to the front Big B said Wash out your mouth infront of everyone. After we left Six Flags we were waitin for Crazy Carol to pick us up in the shuttle bus but that dumn ass forgot so we had to walk to the hotel. Brandon asked me why the hell I madeout with "THE BEAST" and they will never let me drop it ever. Since Saturday I have not been thinkin about "THE BEAST" but I have been think about Amanda.
3/19/02 The Little Boner that Could by Big B
Long ago in a small mexican village, LeeAnn was talking with Cheif Armando of Strawberry Land. The chief thought fondly of the white woman so he made her go out with his loser son Fransisco. LeeAnn was not sure but did not want to disrespect the mexican heritage. She kind of liked this boy named Brandon(a.k.a Lil B). She compared Fransisco and Brandon on who was more of a man. Fransisco won and LeeAnn went out with him. When LeeAnn returned to Righetti she saw Brandon. He was standing in rays of sunshine, glowing with manly brilliance. He stood there eyes wide staring into nowhere with his red velvet robe, flip flops, and cork pipe. Brandon, with his very small muscles bulging, approaches LeeAnn along side Fransisco. Brandon says "Hey Babe!" LeeAnn is mesmorized at his radiance. Fransisco, in his antient mexican jealousy, quickly reacts and hits Brandon with a cactus with an owl eating a snake on it. Brandon was not affected. He smiles at Fransisco and derobes himself. Fransisco faints in disbelief. Brandon and LeeAnn go get married and for their honeymoon ride mopeds and fuck on the beach, The End.
4/12/02 The Magical Dinosuar Cows by Bob and Spooky Da' Ghost
One cold magical August day, a midget, a black guy, a flambouyent spoon, and a Nazi General were skipping a stroll in the woods. Ok, first things first; the Nazi guy was raped and killed by the spoon just because he deserved it. Then, on the way to the happy hell house, they noticed a few cows. At first, they thought nothing of it because cows are gay and made for beef.As they neared the house one of the cows let off a "MOO!" they were all scared.When they got there, they figured the only way out would be to outsmart the cows with coffe talk. And the black guy and the midget got amrried and used the spoon as a utensil. Because really, can you balme them? Who would ever talk to a spoon and become friends with it. If you had a spoon, would you talk to it, or would you use it? That reminds me of a time when I was walking to school and I had a bowl of cerial in my hands and I ate it, but really I wished that I had a pop-tart because who doesn't like pop-tart, really? But if I was ever eating a pop-tart with a spoon, i would sure feel like the black guy. peace YO!
6/8/02 Bob was so Close by Joe Black
Well Bob, Neo, and Joe Black are at Pismo Beach, we are looking for the Wheatbread girls who told us that we were at Pismo. We started looking all up and down the beach but no sign of them, so we went into town. I saw my friend Noah there but no Steph or Heather. So luckly for my 20/20 vision I see the girls in a window of a building. So we meet for the first time. Later on we go back to the trailer park and Steph's parents aren't there so all of a sudden Bob, Steph, and Heather run into the bed room. Neil and I are in the front room thinkin wut the hell. So after a while Neil and I go and open the door and Steph, Heather, and Bob's pants are all off. So they shut the door on us. Then Buddy calls and I give the phone to Bob. At this point u can imagination that Bob was pretty pissed. At that time Steph and Heather weren't in the mood anymore so Bob never got laid. Poor Bob.
3/2/03 Meeting PPl at Hume Lake by Joe Black
Well in Febuary Lil B, Big B, Big Frank, Hart the Berserker, Outer the Driver, Stunt Dude, Toad, and I all went to Hume Lake. While we were there we meet lots of new ppl. Broom Hockey was the high light of the trip. The Whatnott's vs The. It was an awsome game but The won because as a team we weren't organized. After our game the girls(Panchos) had theirs and we were standing behind the other teams goal(Prancing Lamba's). Anyways the goaly said hey cheer for me. Now at the time I said wuts ur name it was Steph. So I was talkin to her while she was playing and I had her attention the whole time. So our girls could score. Anyways after the Prancing Lambas lost Steph took off the helmet. I was in shock because when i was little I had dreamed about this girl and she was right in front of me. But at the time I was dating Shelby and I liked Shelby so I decided to let Steph go. Later that day I ran into Steph and her friend Tiff. Well I was is God telling me something. Anyways we had a Volleyball game and we needed 1 more player so I asked the girls and Tiff volonteered so we went to play as we were waiting we played Taboo which is a good game. Anyways as we played the team totally sucked so we lost but the funniest thing was when i served it, it got stuck in the roof's net. So I took Tiff back to Steph and got an interview with the girls about Hume. Which all the guys in the cabin had to watch. The rest of the night I couldn't stop thinking about Steph(Also about Shelby cuz we were drifting apart) but I thought I'll see her on Sunday well I did but I totally forgot to ask for her number or sn or e-mail and it's been haunting me for days(Me and Shelby broke up) but luckily for my to friends Kristen and Beth who live in Clovis(nice part of Fresno) they know Steph cuz Steph goes to there high school. The point of this story was to tell you to never give up on that girl you love.
4/4/03 Old Stories Don't Die Hard by Joe Black
These are old stories that was never told on whatnott until now.
Toilet Fever
Back when Big B was in 7th grade is when the story takes place. Tyler Brown and his friends are giving out altoids and Big B takes like 8 of them. It turns out those were laxatives. When Big B got home he went straight for the toilet. He was on that thing for 2 days.
More Toilet fun
Back when Joe Black, Big B, and D Money were babies, we were at Katie Montero's house and we saw all saw a commercial on tv about a soup for the toilot and how it makes it clean. Well all of us went to the bathroom and started playing in the toilet like dogs. We were splashing, Joe Black's mother clams that he was sitting on the side lines but all of the rest of the parents sayhe was in on it. But Katie and D Money were the ones who tryed to get in.
Whatnott BBQ 2002
The first whatnott Barbaque we ever had and bad things happened. First off the food was good but the trapoline was deadly. Big Frank was jumping u know have a good time, then Lil B shows up and gets on the trapoline. He ask Big Frank to bounce him but Big Frank said no. So Lil B reverts to peer pressure, and finally Big Frank bounced Lil B. Lil B went higher than anyone could ever go but he hit his ancle on the side of the trapoline and broke it. Everyone rushes to Lil B, and Big B yells "whats wrong with you face", Neo yellss "its his ancle dumb ass". Lil B gets rushed to the hospital and everyone else continues the BBQ. Lil B still says that the one time someone shouldn't have listened to him they listen.
5/1/03 Mini Road Trip gone bad by Joe Black
Where to begin, well it was a nice saturday night in April and me, Hart the Berserker, Big Frank, Faithful Rob, Outer, Silas, and Josh Ruiz wanted to go filming at the beach. We decided to leave at 11:15 at night, we took josh's car and silas and i had to sit in the very back was like a explorer no trunk but the back space spot anyways when we got in pismo me and silas gotta stay down because cops are tailing us. So we decide to head north and another cop tails us. So we get off the freeway and silas and I switch with Hart and Faithful Rob. When we head home a cop pulls us over. He asked if we were drinking, then asked if there was beer in the back, then asked if we would allow him to search the car and outer said yes. The other cop flashed the flash light right in Hart's eyes but he didn't see him cuz of the tinted windows. So he asked for ID and Outer told him that we were heading home. The cop asked where we were headed and we said that we just wanted to find something to do. I had to bust with the no sir yes sir crap. Finally he let us go without looking in the very back. It was 12:30 at the time but day lights saving time was that night so it was really 1:30. When we got home we were trying to find out why he pulled us over and we put Hart and Rob back in the back and realized the back of the car was almost touching the ground. Big Frank told me that the reason we got pulled over was cuz Cops have a Negro radar system.
7/5/03 My Story by Toad
My family and I were driving through Pismo, observing all the interesting individuals wandering around the streets in the penetrating heat. We were all talking about the strangest people we saw, when we were approaching the tattoo parlor. My mother, being the booger she is, started to say how stupid it was to get tattoos, and began rolling down her window. We all asked anxiously what she was doing but before anyone could do anything about it (of course our curiosity slowed us down) she accomplished her goal. Out the window, as we passed the parlor, she yelled at the top of her lungs, DONT DO IT!! and of course all the people inside heard and turned to see us. As I slumped down in my seat I wondered, Will anyone, about to scar their body forever with colors and needles, not 'do it' now that she had spread her advice to them so bravely and rudely? Ya, right.